Second Entry: Day 3971

As you can see in the title, this is the second entry and Day 3971 of my recovery from substance use disorder. It has indeed been a trying day. I had to spend $434.02 of my $489.68 check on four tires and an alignment for my car this morning. This will effectively leave me broke for who knows how long. I am indeed one of those Americans who will be severely impacted by an unexpected $400 expense. I will be scrambling to feed my kid for the foreseeable future. Food pantries here I come. 

It's an absolutely gorgeous day in the Berkshires. It's about 83 degrees, very low humidity, and not a cloud in the sky. Only problem is, I am on doxycycline and the sun has fucked me up. I feel nauseated and my skin is red and blotchy. I called into work for the second day in a row. I feel fatigued and a general malaise. This is to be expected when dealing with Lyme Disease. I just hope this passes quickly. I have tomorrow and the weekend off, so I will have time to recuperate. I am grateful that I have sick-time and that my employer is understanding. 

Got my blood drawn for the Western Blot test to confirm that I indeed have Lyme. Though, it's all but certain. Nothing else causes a bullseye rash. Getting my blood drawn is usually not a great experience in recovery. Even after ten years, my veins are shot. I always have to explain to the phlebotomist that they will need to use a butterfly and go into my hand. Luckily the guy today listened and I wasn't poked 148 times. Reminds me of one trip to detox where a woman tried to get my vein like 5 or 6 times until I finally said, "give me that thing." She said that she wasn't supposed to but I said, "if you want my blood you'll let me do it." 

She did. 

Had an interesting time when I got home. I was sitting in my living room watching politics on TV when I heard a knock on my door. It was my property manager who I just met today. I opened the door and she had a weird look on her face. She didn't say much but she looked down my stairs. There stood a police officer. He was looking for the past tenant that previously occupied my apartment. I informed him that it's just may daughter and I. He stated he liked to try to get to know the people in the complex. We then chatted about the apparent drag-strip of a highway that's in front and then he was on his way.

Dealing with cops is definitely a much easier thing to do when you are in recovery. Knowing that they are not out to get me is extremely gratifying to. While I have had that feeling in the past, I have nothing to be caught for anymore. I don't even fret if I see flashing blues behind me anymore. Don't have to worry if someone stashed something under the seat. I am one of the lucky ones who never got arrested. Not because I shouldn't have been. I just never got caught. 

Lesson one of being a junkie. Don't sell to people you do not trust. 

I am truly lucky as fuck to not have a criminal record. Because I was never caught. I was able to get grants and loans and get an education. Now, I make tens of thousands of dollars a year in human services!

Stay in recovery kids and you can have all this, too!!!